Black Men, wtf is up with not going to the doctor??

When Going To The Doctor Isn’t As Simple as Just Going By Chyna Harmon

We all got one uncle who’s been experiencing back pain for as long as you can remember. Instead of going to the doctor to help relieve his pain, he chooses to slap some Bengay on his back and call it a day.

You: “You need to get check out. Bengay isn’t a cure-all.”

Him: “What are they gon do for me besides take my money and tell me something I already know? I can do that for free.”

And this happens whenever you bring up a medical issue. To any of the men in your family. Whether they have money or not, the provide the same answer.

This is my Uncle Ben. When we have this argument, my first instinct might be to argue with him. Next thing you know, your whole fam knows you tried to get Uncle Ben to go see the doc. Now the whole line is calling to tell you it won’t work.

“We already tried. He didn’t listen.” Gridlock.

So let’s try a new approach.

Instead of arguing, ask Uncle Ben what’s keeping him from going. As you really listen to Uncle Ben, you’ll probably come to the realization that he doesn’t trust doctors anymore. He might tell you, “The last time I went to the doctor, they told me they couldn’t find the source of my pain. So there wasn’t anything they could do for me medically.”

Uncle Ben Has a Point

My grandfather experienced a similar situation. His breathing troubles brought him to the emergency department on two separate occasions. Both times, the doctors told him nothing was wrong with him medically. Later, they discovered he had lung cancer, which explained the symptoms he had been experiencing for some time. None of the ER doctors ever suggested it.

That’s a root of the mistrust. They’ve gone before. They’ve complained before. And many times, nobody listened.

Medical mistrust isn’t limited to one family’s experience. Black men have higher levels of medical mistrust and are more likely to delay routine check-ups, blood-pressure screenings, and cholesterol screenings. Read more of the study here.

And to finally get some answers, Uncle Ben may need to have some control over how he gets there.

Let Uncle Ben Have Some Control

Uncle Ben may be hesitant to schedule an appointment because of his pessimism. Before you go looking for a primary care provider, ask Uncle Ben what kind of doctor he would like to see.

Male or female? Older or younger? How far is he willing to travel? What time should the appointment be? If he’s not a morning person, please don’t schedule a 9 a.m. appointment. You know he’s not going.

By addressing these barriers practically, you’re creating better conditions for attendance.

Help Him Advocate for Himself

As we know, Uncle Ben has had his concerns dismissed in the past. Encourage him to speak up if the doctor tries to steer the conversation in a direction that doesn’t address his concerns.

If you can, go with him. Having someone else in the room can make it easier to remember what was said, explain what’s been happening, or speak up when Uncle Ben feels like he isn’t being heard. And younger generations, we don’t take no shit at the doctor. So if they’re messing with your elders, YOU can get them right.

Don’t Give Up After the First No

You will have to have the conversation more than once. More than twice. You will have to try a different approach. You may need to recruit your cousins and his siblings. And sometimes, you may have to let Uncle Ben come around on his own. The important thing is to keep the conversation open without turning every conversation into an argument.

At the End of the Day, It’s Still His Decision

At the end of the day, Uncle Ben is going to have to make the decision to take care of himself. You can’t make that decision for him. But you can make it easier for him to get there.

Acknowledge his concerns. Create a plan. Support along the way.

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bio: Chyna Harmon is a writer from Ohio and the voice behind Regular Gurl, where she shares essays about everyday life. A two-time contributor to Homies Magazine, you can read more of her work and subscribe on Substack at Regular Gurl.

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